Just over eleven years ago, I got some bad news. News that many people consider a blessing and cherish. News that made my gut sink, literally made me sick! I got some news from a little stick, it gave me two pink lines. After finding out that I was going to have a baby at the age of 14/15, I started trying to pick out names. I was going to have a baby! I was going to be a mom! I...I was going to be needed. The idea of a baby was more like a toy doll than a real baby.
It wasn't until one night, when my best friend came with me to support me, that I realized how real this was. My best friend at the time, came with me, on her birthday, to tell my parents that their baby was expecting a baby! My mom asked me if I was going to give the baby up for adoption. Not wanting to hurt her anymore, I told her yes, not really planning on it. That was the first time I even considered adoption. Adoption. The word tasted weird in my mouth, but felt, good. It's the only thing that felt good since the news. The more I thought about it, the more comfortable I became with it. After much prayer to someone that had become more of a stranger, I realized that adoption was the only option. After meeting with an agent from LDS, I started praying to decide what I wanted my baby to have in a family. Well, for one, I didn't want her to have my family. I knew that if I were to bring her home, she would be raised by all of my siblings as well as myself. I wanted her mom to be crafty since I wish I was crafty. I wanted her to have an older brother, as I can't imagine my life without my older brothers. I wanted her to have all that I couldn't give her. The list was long. After receiving 5 profiles from my adoption agent, I started the prayerful decision. The first one I read, I got very excited about, it felt...right. I went to tell my Dad. He asked me if I read any of the other ones, I hadn't. He told me I was just excited because it was a big decision. He was wrong. It's probably the only time I knew my Dad was wrong. But to please him I went on to read the rest of the profiles. After reading the rest, I knew I had found the family where my baby would grow up. The next step was to go to the agency and let them know of my decision. They showed me the pictures of all the profiles I had looked through. The couple I picked were of the same coloring as myself and were the couple I would have picked if I were just going off of the pictures.
The biggest decision in my life was made and I had a good feeling about it. Shortly before the arrival of Rob & Wendy's newest addition, I met them. The parents that would raise the baby that I was about to give birth to. The second I met them, I knew I had made the right decision. I felt like... I knew them. But from where? I've never really seen them before. Why do I feel like we are long lost friends? That's how I knew they were supposed to be her parents. I know we decided in the pre-earth life that I was going to give birth to their baby. I never doubted that, what I doubted was my strength and ability to say goodbye to this precious perfect baby that was growing inside of me. The day came, it was late June, we arrived at the hospital so I could be induced. I was 2 days overdue. Labor and delivery went better than I expected. She was beautiful! I spent the next day and a half getting to know her, just to say goodbye. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But it was so right!
The next couple of days, I sunk into a depression. I kept thinking, "I know what I did was right, why can't I be comforted". Well, if you don't ask, you won't receive. My aunts and my grandma came over to talk to me. Both of my aunts had lost a child of their own. They knew where their child was. I still don't. But they had some amazing advice, advice that seemed so obvious. Why hadn't I thought to pray for comfort? That night I had the most emotional prayer of my life. I felt comfort for the first time in days! I was finally able to talk about it without having a meltdown. I know what I did was right, and I have never regreted the decision.
So, why do I tell you this? Because my best friend and sister is now on the other side of this. After having a miracle child of their own, recently found out that they won't be having any more of their own. They need someone like me. Someone who really needs them. They are hoping to adopt. They are an amazing family. So, if you or anyone you know is going through a trial like mine, please consider them. I would have!
