Just over eleven years ago, I got some bad news. News that many people consider a blessing and cherish. News that made my gut sink, literally made me sick! I got some news from a little stick, it gave me two pink lines. After finding out that I was going to have a baby at the age of 14/15, I started trying to pick out names. I was going to have a baby! I was going to be a mom! I...I was going to be needed. The idea of a baby was more like a toy doll than a real baby.
It wasn't until one night, when my best friend came with me to support me, that I realized how real this was. My best friend at the time, came with me, on her birthday, to tell my parents that their baby was expecting a baby! My mom asked me if I was going to give the baby up for adoption. Not wanting to hurt her anymore, I told her yes, not really planning on it. That was the first time I even considered adoption. Adoption. The word tasted weird in my mouth, but felt, good. It's the only thing that felt good since the news. The more I thought about it, the more comfortable I became with it. After much prayer to someone that had become more of a stranger, I realized that adoption was the only option. After meeting with an agent from LDS, I started praying to decide what I wanted my baby to have in a family. Well, for one, I didn't want her to have my family. I knew that if I were to bring her home, she would be raised by all of my siblings as well as myself. I wanted her mom to be crafty since I wish I was crafty. I wanted her to have an older brother, as I can't imagine my life without my older brothers. I wanted her to have all that I couldn't give her. The list was long. After receiving 5 profiles from my adoption agent, I started the prayerful decision. The first one I read, I got very excited about, it felt...right. I went to tell my Dad. He asked me if I read any of the other ones, I hadn't. He told me I was just excited because it was a big decision. He was wrong. It's probably the only time I knew my Dad was wrong. But to please him I went on to read the rest of the profiles. After reading the rest, I knew I had found the family where my baby would grow up. The next step was to go to the agency and let them know of my decision. They showed me the pictures of all the profiles I had looked through. The couple I picked were of the same coloring as myself and were the couple I would have picked if I were just going off of the pictures.
The biggest decision in my life was made and I had a good feeling about it. Shortly before the arrival of Rob & Wendy's newest addition, I met them. The parents that would raise the baby that I was about to give birth to. The second I met them, I knew I had made the right decision. I felt like... I knew them. But from where? I've never really seen them before. Why do I feel like we are long lost friends? That's how I knew they were supposed to be her parents. I know we decided in the pre-earth life that I was going to give birth to their baby. I never doubted that, what I doubted was my strength and ability to say goodbye to this precious perfect baby that was growing inside of me. The day came, it was late June, we arrived at the hospital so I could be induced. I was 2 days overdue. Labor and delivery went better than I expected. She was beautiful! I spent the next day and a half getting to know her, just to say goodbye. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But it was so right!
The next couple of days, I sunk into a depression. I kept thinking, "I know what I did was right, why can't I be comforted". Well, if you don't ask, you won't receive. My aunts and my grandma came over to talk to me. Both of my aunts had lost a child of their own. They knew where their child was. I still don't. But they had some amazing advice, advice that seemed so obvious. Why hadn't I thought to pray for comfort? That night I had the most emotional prayer of my life. I felt comfort for the first time in days! I was finally able to talk about it without having a meltdown. I know what I did was right, and I have never regreted the decision.
So, why do I tell you this? Because my best friend and sister is now on the other side of this. After having a miracle child of their own, recently found out that they won't be having any more of their own. They need someone like me. Someone who really needs them. They are hoping to adopt. They are an amazing family. So, if you or anyone you know is going through a trial like mine, please consider them. I would have!
8 comments:
So, I'm totally bawling now. In fact, every time I remember those events, I start to cry. You are so generous to share such a personal experience to help your friend. You were such an example to me then and still are now. I LOVE YOU!
That was so beautiful! I remember those days. Doesn't seem that long ago. I hope that your willingness to share your wonderful story will bless your friend and her adorable family! :)
I, like Jen, am totally bawling now with Brent and Oaklee saying to me,"What is wrong?" Well, the answer to that is, nothing is wrong. I have the most amazing best friend/sister ever. I have a beautiful miracle child. And I have the hope that Adoption will work for us because of beautiful and selfless birth mothers like you. You are such an example to me and it is such an amazing blessing for me to know you and be able to talk to you. The fact that you have been on the other side of this, then married my brother, has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. There are times when I feel like no one understands what it is like for us, but then I always think that you do. You are so supportive and amazing, and I hope that one day our lives and family will be blessed by an awesome, loving, birth mother. You are the answer to my prayers, and to the prayers of that family. I love you for who you are. I love you for being such a great strength to me. And I love you because you are the most selfless person I know!
Oh Jpac! I know that what you did is the most selfless thing anyone could ever do! I can only imagine the joy that those lucky people have because of the most precious gift you could give. Thanks for sharing your story! It gives us great hope that we will get to find a birth mother just like you! We love you!
I am totally crying too! I think you are amazing and hearing your story may be just what someone needs to hear so that they can get another miracle! Love ya!
What an amazing person you are! This really is such a beautiful story. I remember when all of this happened and how much it really effected me. At the time, you were like my own sister and I couldn't believe this was happening to you! I remember when you had her and after you gave her up, all I could do was cry for you. I found a greater respect for you because you were much stronger than I could ever be. Such a selfless thing you did, and at such a young age and that experience has shaped you into the awesome person you are now. I'm glad you shared this story because I really never got to hear your side of the story, so thank you!
You had me in tears! What a inspirational story, and what a beautiful baby! I am proud to know you!
You are definitely one of the greatest people I know. I had shivers the whole time I was reading. I think this story is amazing and only wish everyone could see this.
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